damnatio ad bestias

(life has always been a statement, not a question... but what if it loses its exclamation mark?)

for the preceding eighteen years of my life, 

life has continuously approached me with an exclamation mark.

with a confident stride and a smirk, he offered me a sense of direction 

as it often comes with a set of instructions, sometimes paired with some cautions

 of how and when things should be done 

just in case I do not know them, which happens quite frequent. 

at first the exclamation mark becomes a binding chain,

pulling me to a different route, leaving me struggling in vain

it sets expectations, it barks orders right to my face

it was torture and trials combined – that's what my past self always say

but how can I remember it all when that part of me has left without a trace?

 as time goes by, the exclamation mark has grown into more of a safety net 

protecting all the achievements and reputations I had

 while in reality I am just another damsel looking for ways to avoid distress

only knowing how to obey without knowing anything else

and when life is set for someone like me, all left to do is staying away from any mess.

it was so nice and warm inside this ever-growing bubble

having these exclamation marks as fences has made me feeling too comfortable

it is a comforting entity, a false impression of security

letting me believe that I will always know what to do even in the toughest of time

oh, isn't it one of life's cruelest crimes?

but then, as what the wise man always hints, 

for all that glow and gleam will soon or later fade, by any means 

 I never expect that soon means the time I turned nineteen 

life has finally refrained from proposing me the same old exclamation mark 

it becomes too dull for life's liking – it deems that the mark is losing its sparks

once again, life has found a brand new way to taunt me

as it once again approaches with an ever - so familiar smirk and a glint of glee

 I see a brand new addition – the shiny and polished question mark – attached to its sleeve

life knows that I am ever so familiar with the feeling of being confined,

 but not with being free

and now I trudge through the murky waters of turmoil and confusion

passing each one of life choices that are between my reach, but none of them worth all the exertion

 these question marks might one day be as pleasant as the exclamation ones

but life, per usual, will always come back to ruin the fun

whispering in my ears for the nth time, 

what a foolish notion you have!