damnatio ad bestias

I have let go of you, but I am not ready to let go of the ghost of of you that still occasionally dances inside my mind.

I often hear his steps -- sometimes he would do the cha - cha, with the sharp thud and upbeat tempo that would turn my head around and daze me up every time he stomp on the ground.

At other times he would do the waltz -- he turns and twirls so gracefully it reminds me of all the sweet words that dripped from your lips, falling slowly and surely the way I did.

The beat of your heart still becomes the music that your ghost dances to, and I cannot help but nod my head along the rhythm that I know too well.

I would love to dance along -- just to feel the exhilarating drop that rarely appears nowadays, but unfortunately I lost my partner to do the last spin.

As I said before, I have let go of you, and it hurts my pride to say that I still need you to revive me for the umpteenth time.

However, now you have changed into someone that I do not recognize -- with a different kind of sway, a strange way to sashay around with your new and improved steps.

All left for me is your shadow, dark and blurry just like the memories we had that turn into ashes which makes me confused if I should be grateful or not.

I feel that I slowly let myself go too, as I can see a part of me crawling out and throw itself inside your head, so you can trace me back whenever you are bored.

At the end, you can find me imitating the footwork of your shadow -- doing the dances that you used to do as I look for another soul to follow. 

Beppu, December 2015.